3.14 Open Journal Series: 4.11.20

I had this realization I was being very optimistic about everything going on. Which is great; but, I was also fooling myself by continuing to suppress my real emotions. You know the meme with the dog in the middle of a fire saying “everything’s fine”? Well, that was me. Though it’s cool to be optimistic, we can’t ignore our emotions. It’s okay to mourn the old while still being grateful for the new. It’s okay to be scared, lost, and worried at times. I had to realize I can’t let the craziness of this world harden me up completely. I cannot become desensitized to tragedy all because I’m trying so hard to keep a smile on my face. Yes, I see the bigger picture. Yes, I see this is all divine. Yes, I know I am protected. But, I never let myself mourn. I never let myself mourn the ability to go outside, go shopping, hang with friends, go eat, or go the museum. I never let myself feel the fact that this is actually very shitty and I’m sad about it. 

After this realization I let myself feel. I cried, I mourned the old reality, the old world, and way of living. When I did this, I felt a huge cleansing and release of pint up emotions I had held back. 

Now I can have peace with the situation. Now I am in harmony and flow. 

Im at the point where I’m not trying to figure it all out anymore. I observe and I use my inner wisdom to see through bullshit. But Im not gonna worry myself to death or be fearful, because this is bigger than me. There are things going on behind closed doors that may not ever be for me figure out. I don’t need to seek darkness but instead be aware. 

Observations 

• Ive noticed I start to feel a bit of a sore throat when going out in public. Nothing crazy, so don’t trip. I just feel it and I’m aware of it. Now, this could be allergies, but I don’t really suffer from allergies anymore. Ive noticed the sore throat goes away when I return home. Could be the energy of the public, could be the fear in the air, or something that’s airborne. Google Chem Trails.

• I’ve also noticed all these “stay home” commercials. The stay home saying is being pushed pretty heavily. For our safety? Possibly. But I see they are paying celebrities to make videos telling us to stay home. Then, airing them all day long on Tell-a-vision.  I don’t trust nothing that has a commercial. Period. 

• Another observation, this virus is bringing out addictions. An addiction is rooted from a need to escape reality. Since the reality of everything going on is pretty shitty right now, most of us are coping with it by escaping. We’re being shown our addictions. Whether they be video games, alcohol, smoking, sex, social media, or T.v., its all coming to the surface. We’re being shown what we need to get a grip on.

• Lastly, I’ve noticed everything is reminding us how important it is to spend time with our loved ones, slow down, be still, be present, and enjoy the little things. We’re being shown just how much we’ve forgotten to flow.

We may not get this time again, we need to use it to prepare for battle. Build your foundation and get sturdy so you cannot easily topple over when things begin to crumble. Because remember this is the breakdown before the buildup. We are suiting up for fucking battle. But like I said, no need to be afraid because this is growth. We have no triumphs without trials first.

Some of us have been and are still being prepared to play the role of leaders, some are meant to play the role as a participant. None better than the other, just different. If you’re reading this your probably being called to follow your dreams and play out the purpose your intuition has been telling you. It’s an important pieces of the puzzle. It’s your part in healing and raising the vibration. Everyone’s role is needed to be played. We need complete authenticity.